Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Lets Talk About Valentine’s Day


Hello Readers,
Seeing as tomorrow is Valentines’ days I thought I would share some of my experiences of comedic tales from using online dating which made me reach out to friends and get their stories so here’s collection from across the board. Thank you to the people who shared their experience with me. Most of these are opening messages!

My Experience
Message
Hello Lauren
I think you need to accept your fate and that you should marry me and have children because you’re getting past your sell-by date and you won’t have a better option.
Love ****

Okay where to start on this one sit back down I was 22 nowhere near a sell-by date if there was such a thing. I was 22!!! I still 3 years later have no idea how he thought this would work. Part of me really wanted to push it but I didn’t I blocked him because I’m an adult!!!

On to my anonymous posts
Experience 
Once spoke to a guy on tinder who works for a telesales kinda company that sells "sexual aids" to the elderly, aka sex toys lmao died what an opener!!

Message
Date: Hey can you **** me. Im not asking for you to pay for sex the first time. Please join my link!
Reply: That might be a problem it clearly states I am GAY!!!
Date: No problem join my link
Reply: I AM GAY
Date: Okay! No problem just join my link!

Message
You could make a living out of selling hot dogs..." 
Wait for it "because you make my wiener stand"

Message
Date: "Hey do you like puzzles"
Reply: errrrrrrm yes?!
Date: "good because we have two pieces that fit together

Experience
My profile on tinder mentions that I'm genderqueer, and there was a guy who's opening message was "do you have a penis" and when I called him out for being rude, he said "I suppose that's a yes then"

Message
Your natural beauty radiates from my iPhone. I instantly have acquired a tan from your warm heavenly glow………….Brb applying Aloe Vera

Message
Date: I've just been to the doctor's and got some bad news
Reply: oh really?
Date: yeah, I'm lacking vitamin U

Experience
The girl who was really sweet and kind who then turned out to have a foot fetish and wouldn't back off  and wasn’t so sweet about it

Message
You are so adorable you make a baby deer look like a pile of sh*t

Message
Date: Do you work at Subway?
Reply: No why?
Date: Because you just gave me a foot long


I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow 

Lx

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