Here we are alive after another bout of reactions. Things seem to be a little more dangerous this side as both the idiopathic anaphylaxis episodes and the spontaneous angioedema attacks are both fighting each other for top spot. This is the first time I have both coincide with each other which makes the entire process a little scarier as both together can be a sign of a reaction or just random swellings and not as serious.
How am I affected physically?
Anaphylaxis cuts off your airways it is not a nice sensation. While angioedema is just swelling in one area usually my lips or tongue. I have noticed more in this batch of episodes it is taking me a lot longer to recover what used to take a couple of day's now we're looking closer to two weeks. Also, back-to-back long-term steroid and adrenaline usage has played havoc with my body.
How has it affected my mental health?
I can drop dead at any time! I will be honest having to come to terms with such a bleak outlook sucks, I know! It has been hard not only accepting that I could have a potentially life-threatening reaction from someone’s perfume or a stray ingredient in a meal out. Having to try keep on living life to the full while slowing down is hard long gone are the days on spontaneity. I have always been a run before I can walk type of person and having to change my whole thought process on life has become rather complicated.
Allergy recovery brain and brain fog are a real power to bow down to, until recently I never understood the power of brain fog could have as someone who has been an avid reader since I was a child, and it kills me that during recovery it takes away my ability to read. I can read a page, and nothing written on that page will be retained its harrowing as I have always enjoyed reading and brain fog is slowly taking the joy of it from me.
What do I miss?
I miss how carefree I used to be how I used to be able to do whatever I wanted; I also miss how carefree my life used to be. I also miss being able to go to a wonderful places to eat and not see the poor wait staff have a miniature stroke being asked what's in the food. While in the vein I would just like to apologise to everyone else like myself who’s food allergies do not fit the top fourteen. Some waitstaff have being amazing and have gone beyond However! to the people who say let me get the allergy book please listen to the Allergy Suffer I'm sorry to tell you but believe it or not we know if our allergy isn’t in the top 14 and won’t be listed. There is no need to be snarky when isn’t listed in black and white.
What have I learned?
I am too tough on myself
I was too proud to ask for help with my mental health I am not in contact with a wonderful team
I should be a lot kinder to myself
That despite what my brain makes me think I am not going through this alone